he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
