Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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