we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
