God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
