Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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