Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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