the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
