After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
