woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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