is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
