I'm jealous of your bromance
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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