You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
