You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
