You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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