Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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