i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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