Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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