I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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