mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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