I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
