i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
