$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
