I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
