i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
