i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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