I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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