So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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