This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
