What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
