i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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