I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
