tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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