I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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