Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
