Im at strip club and am horny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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