if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to make out with him forever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
