He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
