i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
