he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
