Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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