and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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