you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
