You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
