Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
