I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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