I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
