Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
