On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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