i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
