She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
