So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
