Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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