so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
