I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Blood and glitter go together right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
