The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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