I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
