sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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